A little introduction about me. I have been a Manchester United fan for as long as I can imagine. I have seen the riches, I have seen few lows and now I am just watching my favourite team being downright bad.
Those who know me, know that I have been very cynical when it comes to United and have been harping the same tune since the latter years of the great Sir Alex Ferguson that “The problems at United run much deeper than just the first team”.
Why you ask?
Because the evidence has been there since some time for it was only the brilliance of Sir Alex that was putting a band-aid over the shit show being run by the Glazers.
No, this is not going to be a well-worded article that contains a lot of tactical and numerical evidence because honestly, you get that enough on the internet and it seems to have no effect on most.
No, this is not going to be a rowdy rant where I just spew garbage because I saw my team lose to Fat Frank’s Derby County.
This is going to be a reality check for a lot of people who have either turned a blind eye to a lot of issues at the club or who are the chest thumping GGMU fans who believe that saying anything against the club, its operations or its manager is blasphemy. You know who you are, you stupid fucking dimwit cunts.
Yay! GGMU! GGMU!
It’ll be short because if I get into details, this will never end.
The Bad
Let’s start with the basics, Manchester United is not a good football team. It hasn’t been since the last 2-3 years of Sir Alex Ferguson. He was a magician who elevated players beyond their capabilities. The man knew the Premier League like no other. We had good players but we weren’t dominating like we used to and well other teams had basically caught up with their purchases. Erm…City and Chelsea primarily.
But since the legend retired, WE HAVE BEEN BAD. “No shit Sherlock!” You say? Yet, you get your hopes high after each good result or a managerial change.
Youth
Marcus Rashford is probably the only talented academy product in the first team right now. No one else made it and please Scott McTominay is no Darren Fletcher so don’t even try thinking of his name.
Our U23s got relegated and our youth structure has been behind City’s and Chelsea’s for years. Doesn’t matter if players don’t get a chance in the first team, we have no one to give a chance to so we pick up randoms and put them on the pitch.
Our U18s were brilliant last season and they will probably come good, hopefully. I genuinely have high hopes there.
The facilities at City are so great and probably the best in the world. Chelsea is like what…4-5 times FA Youth Cup Winner? We won it when Pogba, Lingard and Ravel Morrison were in our youth academy. Since then we’ve become gobshite, Pogba went to Juve, has come back and will probably be leaving again. Lingard has grown up in age but still likes to behave like a youth product. Who is Ravel Morrison?
Lol someone got cropped there
Lol someone got cropped there
Managerial Appointments
David Moyes set us back 150 years. No joke there! The clown is still beating his chest about being a top coach when he’s probably lost 50 jobs after the United stint. Is United still paying him his severance package? He signed Fellaini. Doesn’t matter if he was made to sign or had no choice because no one wanted to play for him.
Let’s all agree that if nothing else, Louis van Gaal was a great entertainer? I mean, the man got drunk on wine at our end of the season award ceremony and went mad on the stage! We go again! But he made us better. Sure, the football didn’t improve a whole lot, we were mostly boring and signings didn’t really work but we kicked some ass in some matches. We won a lot of the “big matches” because the guy could coach tactics in exchange for wine. Who knew that all it took for big Louis to get United to win was just expensive wine. Ed Woodward knew but the fucker didn’t do anything about it. How about you get a fucking sponsorship from Louis’ favourite wine company, Ed. That would’ve surely made us win every match. Jokes apart, he won us the FA Cup and his time was up. Simple.
What it could have been?
What it actually was!
So just to summarize:
Whenever a new manager walks in at United
The worse
Recruitment
Such a shit show here. Doesn’t matter if you are Manchester United and can attract the best players if they can’t string 2 passes together or give a damn about the jersey they are wearing or get along with the manager or a million other reasons why most of our signings haven’t worked out.
Di Maria! I mean that guy is world class but lol! He ended up being binned quicker than the rotten bag of tomatoes in my fridge.
Di Maria changing clubs like
I went really happy when we signed Schweinsteiger and Schneiderlin; but well…It still hurts
We are recruiting people based not on our needs but on how many shirts they will sell. Our scouting system has been piss poor. If you don’t believe me, invest some time in doing research on Google. It just completed 20 years! Thanks to the great search engine, you can research all this by yourself. Do that you lazy bum!
We refused to spend money on agent fees earlier under Sir Alex and missed out some gems like Eden Hazard (World Class player, don’t you dare deny that), Moura (Ripped us a new one at OT) even Silva (yes, him too I think) and I don’t know how many more. That really fucked us over since all we do now is throw money at the problems.
The constant shit tactics from the managers and their constant dismissals also haven't helped since a lot of our First XI still is from the Ferguson era.
Also, Lukaku is a donkey who is not a clinical striker and has cost us points this season. He is a form player and shouldn’t be the ONLY striker at Manchester United. He has improved and is a decent player but not the clinical striker that is tucking away 75% of his chances. But that’s another long essay in itself. The squad analysis. But Lukaku has made me lose my shit this season, so he deserves a special mention.
Deadwood
That brings us to one of the biggest issues at Manchester United. Deadwood. Imagine still having Smalling, Jones, Valencia, Young, Fellaini, Darmian, Mata, Rojo at the club. We have had so many transfer windows to start clearing the deadwood but that hasn’t happened because we have been “recruiting”. Now it’s at the stage where most of these players are overpaid and form a core part of the starting XI. These aren’t winners. Sure, some of them have given their best for the club and continue to do so, but they aren’t Manchester United quality or they simply haven’t lived up to the potential. It’s time to bin them so that new players can come in. But guess what, no one wants to buy these fuckers too! So, might as well sit and earn money at Manchester United.
The transfer strategy at United is so fucked.
My reaction to seeing all this deadwood
So while all this was happening at United, teams like City and Liverpool were getting stronger with good managerial appointments and smart recruiting. Because of Moyes, we fell so back that even a clueless Chelsea continued to remain infront of us. Mind you, they’ve done some brilliant transfer business in terms of selling and have won a more recent PL title than us and have Sarri now. Spurs are a good team finally after years of claiming the same and Emery will do something at Arsenal.
Summary – Everyone got better and we continued to suck or just got worse.
The Glazers and Ed Woodward
Where do I even start!? Damn! Okay!
Ed Woodward is good for Manchester United as a businessman and as a CEO but not as a “person” who understands anything related to football. Clearly whatever he has tried has not come off till now so why pretend. Just get in a Director of Football man! No, not as your puppet but as your footballing equal. Someone who knows the sport and how its run and can make Manchester United run properly as a big football club should (which it very easily can).
The Glazers are money hungry assholes who are reaping rewards for their Golden Egg which makes them so much money that they can allow us to finally throw money at our problems without much care. They’ve taken out more than £1m (reported back in 2015) from Manchester United. Imagine if this club had all this money or were using its money wisely since long before Sir Alex’s retirement, we’d be kings! Untouchable or just for a very realistic prediction – at least not shit like we are now.
Hope we get a Director of Football and the board can figure their shit out.
The bastards don't even deserve a picture in their section. It shall remain lifeless, exactly how they've made our club to be.
The bastards don't even deserve a picture in their section. It shall remain lifeless, exactly how they've made our club to be.
The Mourinho
This has not been the instant winning appointment that the board hoped for and the fans yearned. It was a marriage of convenience and it seems to have run its course.
It all started out with 2 trophies and very good recruitments followed by a decent second season with a second-place finish behind City’s freakish 100-point season. This followed a summer of conflict but what it also came to be was the feared “Mourinho’s 3rd season meltdown”.
It’s just started but the signs are all there. I will just list out the problems and how shrewd Mourinho is. Point to note is that I have always hated Mourinho and never thought he was the right pick for the job. But fine, he got us 1-2 trophies and decent signings but then again; have we really progressed? Here is something I wrote about "why can’t anyone seem to fix United" (This is a well-worded article from 2 years back and it still holds true).
After almost 3 years with the squad, he doesn’t know his best XI. He doesn’t have a defined style for the team to play. The team is disjointed. There is clear unrest among with dressing room. (I am sure most of you know of the Pogba vs Mourinho drama)
He has publicly called out so many players and never accepted blame for defeats. He has called the attitude of players into question, but isn’t it down to the manager to motivate them and sort that out? Teams like Wolves and Derby outplay us on the football pitch. The tactics are just a joke. We are still lumping it to Fellaini. I’d love someone like Fellaini to be a part of the squad but the point is that we end up relying on him in most matches just like we did against the championship side Derby County.
He has talents like Martial and Rashford and they need to be playing and coached to progress, but no let’s call them out or don’t play them.
His favouritism is so apparent. A lot of his favourites perform shit and continue to be in the team while others play once in 10 matches make a mistake and never play again.
His favouritism is so apparent. A lot of his favourites perform shit and continue to be in the team while others play once in 10 matches make a mistake and never play again.
He wants to sign proven players i.e. old players and that would work had his previous signings not flunked and the team was where it’s supposed to be. He got one in Alexis Sanchez who looks a shadow of the player he was at Arsenal.
He openly flirted with PSG to get a contract extension at United. This has happened to him at Madrid and Chelsea. What’s the common denominator? Mourinho.
He likes conflict and thrives on it but his tactics are outdated and football has moved on from the time when you could just “show your balls on the pitch and chase everything down” and win. Elite coaches want that and tactics to take the team forward. No wonder Guardiola has schooled Mourinho for most of their meetings.
As for the Pogba vs Mourinho debate. Both of them can fuck off from the club if they think they are bigger than the club. I agree, the manager has to be the top dog but that doesn’t mean you just fuck around with your top players just for the sake of it. Same goes for Pogba. Just because you don't like certain things and have a dick of an agent, you don't keep flirting with other clubs.
United's press officer (John) is the biggest snitch we know
Pogba has been fuelling speculation and it’s not like he has performed consistently for United till now so can too shut the fuck up. But I believe, he can still be part of the solution at Manchester United but if not, please leave. If he wants to continue looking elsewhere while playing for United, he can get his haircuts done elsewhere. No one wants his drama either. Ego clashes like this aren’t warranted especially when things are already downhill at your club, Mourinho should get that and Pogba should understand too.
Mourinho is poison who will continue to bring down the club and everyone with it. He was smart after the summer. He was moping throughout the summer, but just as the season started and he realized that he has pissed the board off; he became all happy and nice. Even being good to Pogba. He realized that he needed to get the fans on his side. So he started with his 10 min clapping sessions at the away end. Brainwashed the fans into believing things will change. But they never do with Mourinho. He wanted to make it a Mourinho vs the world situation so that fans follow him and he did.
If he stays at the club, things will not improve. Players like David de Gea will leave. Some of our greatest talents will leave and will be left behind other teams.
The fans of Manchester United are so desperate right now that any glimmer of hope, they turn to that without thinking objectively. No, I am not better and I do the same. But this has been a long time coming and it just scrapes the surface of the problems at Manchester United.
What should be done?
I am no expert and I am sure the club can figure this out.
But in the best-case scenario for me: The club appoints a Director of Football and we rebuild this beautiful club for the next 3-4 years. Yes, patience is required something I don’t think the Glazers or fans can afford. I am not saying finish 8th. Klopp finished 8th,8th and 4th right? But what a team right now and Liverpool isn’t as big as United and well United aren’t as fucked as Liverpool were. Klopp signed a six-year deal when he joined and convinced the owners he had a plan and he is executing it currently with the world watching in awe.
I am not saying be like Liverpool. Ew. Just to give you guys perspective. Get a man with a vision and someone who isn’t trying to suck his own cock all the time. RESPECT. 3. RESPECT (Hope you get the reference)
Clear the deadwood, revitalize the youth structure, bring the scouting system up to date, get behind the new manager, kick out problem causing players who can’t respect the club and bring back the greatest club England has ever seen back to being among the best in Europe.
Ideal situation:
I would just sack Mourinho and rid the toxicity. Give it to Carras or whoever the fuck can be decent till the end of the season. Salvage the season as much as possible. In the back end, work on hiring a top quality Director of Football. Get him/her on board and then start revitalizing the scouting system, start planning for academy improvement and sounding out possible managers for next season.
Get the new manager on board or at least decide early so that the work on transfers can begin early. Then when the summer finally comes and the manager if officially on board, he has something to finally work with. Things are ready and a little structure is ready. Continue building the backend and work with the new manager who probably has a 3-4 year plan (as mentioned above) with complete seriousness.
Ideal situation:
I would just sack Mourinho and rid the toxicity. Give it to Carras or whoever the fuck can be decent till the end of the season. Salvage the season as much as possible. In the back end, work on hiring a top quality Director of Football. Get him/her on board and then start revitalizing the scouting system, start planning for academy improvement and sounding out possible managers for next season.
Get the new manager on board or at least decide early so that the work on transfers can begin early. Then when the summer finally comes and the manager if officially on board, he has something to finally work with. Things are ready and a little structure is ready. Continue building the backend and work with the new manager who probably has a 3-4 year plan (as mentioned above) with complete seriousness.
Love you if you made it till here and agree with me. Fuck you if you made it till here and disagree. What an idiot.
In hindsight, it may just be a rant!
TL:DR version: The problems at Manchester United are more than just Mourinho or Woodward. It is a combination of multiple things that are structurally wrong at United. The 'club' needs a rebuild and that will take time. Time which you don't get today. So, it might all be fucked. Let's hope for the best.
In hindsight, it may just be a rant!
TL:DR version: The problems at Manchester United are more than just Mourinho or Woodward. It is a combination of multiple things that are structurally wrong at United. The 'club' needs a rebuild and that will take time. Time which you don't get today. So, it might all be fucked. Let's hope for the best.
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